The "Nature" "Rain" that is "Desire"

I am near her, but her heart is far from me.
I reach for her, but get only mist.
She wants me but can't take me.
She likes me but will not say.
I prosue her, but never the prey.
She longs for my company, but never my touch.
Things have been said, the feelings know
A descition must be made, for my heart is weak
So see the smiling face, filled with hollowed eyes.
The ropes hold me, my chains keep me.
Why won't she free me.
Maybe her friends are right,
Just a filler for her heart.
just a shadow of who she wants.
Then does she even see me?
Has she ever meet me?
I know that I know not her other.
But I am one hip brother
poetry, looks, wit, and charm
Passion, charity, insight, and guitar
Adventures, and daring, Spontanious, and Rightous.
Sure I might be lacking in
spelling, grammer, reading speed, humility, forsight, and ablity to side step pain.
Always the marter, never the healed, always the healer and many others.
Yet, still not enough to warent a feeling of being wanted.
Sure I feel like, but not desired.
A good friend, not a lover
I've seen to much and learned to little
I've fallen to deep, and thought to shallow
I've rushed ahead, while she was still unsure.
Now I wait to see if she will...

Why now? Why her? No body for so long. Nothing that spark my passion or breathed new life into these weary lungs. Now as my time slips away I see her. A trick of the mind maybe? A sign my fant heart is give out? NO something more. Something real. Not a passing fancy, or a lust filled desire. I long to know her more then feel her. I wish to be known to her. To touch her would be asking to much.

I feel like I'm been walking eternally thought a desert, and am now only finding water. It is to much for my partched lips.

The time ticks away however and this sweet water is not mine. It belongs to another...no it belongs to no one but it's self, but it seems to be with another.

I desert call me back, but my feet will not listen. It would be to say that I love her, far to much indeed. For love is based on experiance and knowlage, acceptance. It would not be lust, for lust is a carnal thing, unthinking and selfish. One of physical nature and pleasures nothing more. so far it's been mostly pain, but i want more. I wish the best for her, for her happiness, if only she know and I would do my best to bring it to her, yet she does not. so I try to help but I seem to only confound. for I know not this other man. I can only be who I am, promise the things I am, that I can offer. If she has a better offer I wish her to take it. For her Happiness is what matters not mine.

Some have said i like playing the marter, they might be right. For I see little falk in it. I argue what I want, but will always give way for anothers happiness. this life sucks so much already and if I can take pain on myself so that others might find some water for their lips so be it.

I fear the fool however. I've played him to many a time. She doesn't seem the type however.

I can't explain the feeling, my thoughts are swimming with her. The simply thought of her makes my heart skip a beat. I find it hard to breath around her. all those stupid clease make sense. every min she is not around I long for her. The world seems cold. It's a hall of madness and dout. Fear and sorrow theatens to bring me down, but then I see her. Words can not express the waves of joy simply see her brings. To be held under water till your last bit of air is taken from you, thenat that moment thurst into the open air. To have it rush into your lungs and know that you can breath deep agian. To know that your life for another moment and nothing could be better, that pales to the feelings she breeds in me, but is the only simalie I can reason.

What now? the endless torment of wheather I will be able to drink agian. Is it better to have loved and lost? Well i can't say but I can't say that I've loved. I do think I know that love is real, even if I'm not sure what it is. That alone might be worth the trouble, and if she allows and the fates are kind. I'll get another chance to breath freely, drink deeply, and kiss softly. if only...if only..

after test girl

There was a girl dancing as I left my test, She was innocetly, ockwardly dancing. Like A child not sure how the moves go, doing them corectly, just small, Wearing a hoodly jeans and a smile I loved her. Not in the lustful sense, or the casueal moring sky, no but as in a longing for simpler times, simpler purer things, that Wanted for her to be real, real the way I saw her there, but there was no way for me to find out w/ out shattering the dream, but I have the memory of her forever daninging to the killers (under the gun) to keep me content till the grave claimes me.

Friday Night Lites

I called to be friends, to check up and just make some small talk, nothing much expected just a bit of information and a kid word. I got the information but felt burned and cast aside. There are a thousand of excuses and reasons for the conversation to have gone the way it did, not much said nothing much felt, but burned I still feel. Know not why a small spark could scold my thick skin, but scold I am. Anger was never my suit and rational never a stranger. Clam is in constant companion, but she seems to have stepped out. Maybe it's the intrigue of it all? Thoughts were thought to be understood, actions w/ in reason, but logic had a loop hole. Words where spoken, things where applied, shock grasped my tongue and words damned my mouth. The conversation ended and the blood spilled. Now bleeding that I am, I apologies for running your shirt. I've misjudged before and will do so again, just more spilled milk. To know I've been hurt wish to let them know, but that's simply inviting more pain, fool my twice. Then again who wishes to mistrust.

The sorrow that no one else care about.

The angels that I see dancing around are breath taking. I see their face and hear their voice, yet I want their soul. The sweet smell that accompanies the fairer gender is divine and strokes the passion in me, but if she has none? What good is a heart if it doesn't skip a beat every now and then? What good are the silk skinned ladies with soft eyes and a warm touch, if I reach for the feelings not the form?

To the Girl who Can not BE

She is differnet then all the rest. Same lies or new words, ones with meaning. It's not her face the filles my mind, but her luagh mixing with my own. She's not the siren calling from the rocks neither is she the temptest in saten red. To have never seen his face makes it harder, for he could be anyone. Good, bad, or apathic to universal situations. She is not the book that does not wish to be read, nor is she the play that's not to be seen. No she is the book being read by another, the sold out show. The reader has to be good for her wisdome is absolute. It can't be willfully hoped for the blatent down fall of one from one state to another.

Sleep demands my soul

deeper then we must

Nothing more pathetic then for a man once strong trying to make his life seem right. For a man once strong sought to mix heart and brain. To mix the modern ambrosia. He dove deep and saw much, yet what he sought was always just out of view. He reached the end of his rope and did what one felt he must. The weak suck deeper and ran out of heart. Now trapped in a deep windowless room he tried to find up. His rope had been cut but there where still many other stings he could follow home, to many. His holy grail of logic said they where all the same, there was no up, no down, left was right and right was left. To be anywhere else would be just different as it would to be no place. Tied now to that place by his winding path he became lost in his calculations to see the surface not to be seen.

A dive to far

I've never really given up on my childish thoughts. I've given in to them being childish and even admitted that they are best tossed aside, but they cling to me to tightly, like a sticker that move from one finger to the next. Like the tree the growns around the feance it was plated next to so have I with my thoughts. It's funny how you just breakdown waiting on some sign. I've done manythings just to please those around me. I have broken my back just so I don't have to wipe tears. I have taken the wrong road many a time cause I thought it was right or I told myself it's easier then confatation. @ the young age of 23 I am like an old man set in my ways. I have not once however confessed to believe somethig that I do not, Not to say that I haven't lied for I have and still do more then I am willing to admit, yet I have not confessed to hold to something I did not know was there. I do not cling to my belifes I support them and they me. I hold no untold truths or great answers, but simple questions and unanswers thoughts.

Some times you want a new perspective so you try to change your windows view. This time it lead to nothing but more trouble. The unkissed girl as I call her. I placed my self knowly into a situation I could not win, very britsh like of me. Maybe it was the challenge, maybe it was the desire to sucome, maybe just to not be alone for the lonly tend to seek out the lonly. I found a bit of my old self. I missed him but wished we had meet under different sercumstates. Like old friends at a ferual we wished we could meet in happier times. Now w/ a 6hr drive to double guess myself I cusse the lack of a radio for distracktion. Here I am feeling bad forher, for having driving so far and not meeting what I thought her expectaction might have been. The drive well be good and she will be fine.