Doomed to walk Awake

I have found that I can not sleep. As of now it is 4am and I still find that sleep flees from me. It has been like this for many weeks now. I find the internet both a blessing and a curse, for while it gives something for my mind to do in these wee hours, it also hides filth around every corner. This evening I spent a few hours writing which was restfully and brought joy to my soul. I then spent sometime checking up on firends and family, but after this is where the trouble started. I started "surfing the net." I would look up one topic or another and find that people are trully disturbed. I understand the many risks that come with looking into my many interests in anime and games. I never find any obsecen websites about liture or classic art, why must gamers be such perverts? It is getting to the point where I fear google. I run the risk now of being to honest with unknow readers, but the risk I must take. I am an averge man, made not of stone and flawed more then I can bear to mention. So while I shun from the carner things of the world I do it not because I know I am better, but because I know their dangers. I would be a drunk if I drank, I would be a gambler if I rolled the dice. I would be a drity old man if I had no conviction or self respect. So when things getted tossed in my face I am ashamed to say that I am sometimes slow to push them aside. I get angery and the people and places that do this, but I get angery at myself for falling into such a trap that I knew was there, and not getting out of it when I could. To be Zen, to trap and train my monkey mind. Yet that monkey is fast, fat and lazy. Maybe I need a monkey whip?