Wednesday, August 06, 2008

Why now? Why her? No body for so long. Nothing that spark my passion or breathed new life into these weary lungs. Now as my time slips away I see her. A trick of the mind maybe? A sign my fant heart is give out? NO something more. Something real. Not a passing fancy, or a lust filled desire. I long to know her more then feel her. I wish to be known to her. To touch her would be asking to much.

I feel like I'm been walking eternally thought a desert, and am now only finding water. It is to much for my partched lips.
The time ticks away however and this sweet water is not mine. It belongs to it belongs to no one but it's self, but it seems to be with another.
I desert call me back, but my feet will not listen. It would be to say that I love her, far to much indeed. For love is based on experiance and knowlage, acceptance. It would not be lust, for lust is a carnal thing, unthinking and selfish. One of physical nature and pleasures nothing more. so far it's been mostly pain, but i want more. I wish the best for her, for her happiness, if only she know and I would do my best to bring it to her, yet she does not. so I try to help but I seem to only confound. for I know not this other man. I can only be who I am, promise the things I am, that I can offer. If she has a better offer I wish her to take it. For her Happiness is what matters not mine.
Some have said i like playing the marter, they might be right. For I see little falk in it. I argue what I want, but will always give way for anothers happiness. this life sucks so much already and if I can take pain on myself so that others might find some water for their lips so be it.
I fear the fool however. I've played him to many a time. She doesn't seem the type however.
I can't explain the feeling, my thoughts are swimming with her. The simply thought of her makes my heart skip a beat. I find it hard to breath around her. all those stupid clease make sense. every min she is not around I long for her. The world seems cold. It's a hall of madness and dout. Fear and sorrow theatens to bring me down, but then I see her. Words can not express the waves of joy simply see her brings. To be held under water till your last bit of air is taken from you, thenat that moment thurst into the open air. To have it rush into your lungs and know that you can breath deep agian. To know that your life for another moment and nothing could be better, that pales to the feelings she breeds in me, but is the only simalie I can reason.

What now? the endless torment of wheather I will be able to drink agian. Is it better to have loved and lost? Well i can't say but I can't say that I've loved. I do think I know that love is real, even if I'm not sure what it is. That alone might be worth the trouble, and if she allows and the fates are kind. I'll get another chance to breath freely, drink deeply, and kiss softly. if only...if only..


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