I Know a Hell
I know a hell, a hell that one carries every where they go. One can't be rid of it for anything in this world. It clasps onto the mind and won't let go. It taints all thoughts and joys a person might have in this would. This hell forces it's host into a deep and dark loneliness. Where nothing brings joy and he can only see glimpses of light from time to time. It is a bitter and cold hell that haunts my thoughts daily. One tries with everything they have to escape this hell, but there is nothing but black and once you are inside you don't know the way out. You crawl and crawl in the thralls of heartache looking for relief. You think it would be easy to give up, but the horror of that place is a driving force of it's own that one works with every fiber of their being to be rid of. With all ones effort and work they still fall short of escaping, it is a endless void of woo and misery. I was a lucky one, I was able to escape. What ever happens in this life I know it will be nothing compared to that hell I passed thought. I was saved by the light of Christ, in that bitter darkness there is a single point of light. It burns and tears at your soul. If you continue to move towards it burns more and more. I moved towards it in hopes of leaving the only place I had known before, trying to find something better. It would be easy to turn from the scourging light and try to rest in the cold blackness, yet I could not. It was a long journey one that I find still is not over, I wonder if it ever will be. The light is now the majority it covers almost every thing I see. There is still a point of darkness however where a cold wind blows from, chilling my soul when I think back at the horrors that it holds. It brings me almost to tears at the joy I have for simply being rid of that hell. The new horror however I could not truly glimpse until I had over come such a thing. I now here the cries of others who are in different hells and my soul cries out to their cause I also know their pain, but I know relife and they do not. I have to try and find them cause if I don't even all the glories, warm light in this world could not hold back the cries of those in need. I moved from one hell to another, this one is not mine however. Maybe it is yours, maybe it is you I am trying to help escape, like I was helped.
posted by Judge of the Whetten's at 1:48 AM
9 Comments:
I think I know exactly what you mean...
but then not so long ago I found a friend who helped me out of the darkest times in my life and I haven't looked back. I also became more in tune with the spirit again because of the ideas she was putting in my head and the things happening around me all of a sudden.
She is always constantly reminding me to smile and laugh and I always do just for her because I know she needs to smile as well.
I try to make sure others are smiling and laughing aswell these days. Just to pay back the extra help I was given in those times of darkness so that i wasn't completely lost in it though it was close really close.
It is amazing to look back and see how much I have grown from that girl and how much better I am because of that challenge. It really is a horror when you think about it, your life seems to be stuck in that gulf but there is one point where you have to trust and just take a blind leap into that light and then you are free. Though you never really escape it and when you are at last free of that grip you always remember it and how it has affected you.
So we who have over come it become those who helped us and we strive each day to be happy and smile for someone or laugh or tell a joke just to make sure their day is better and to keep ourselves better so that it doesn't engulf us again because it could very easily.
Random side note: Do you ever sleep Kitsune ^_^? Ohh do I ever sleep?
Thank you Judge for such an eloquent testimony of Jesus Christ. He is that light that shines in darkness. I have never known the abyss you speak of, but it sounds terrible. Sometimes the Father allows us to have particular experiences to help us be more empathetic toward others. It sounds like this has been the effect that your experience has had on you. To know such loneliness and hopelessness, you can only be desirous to help show others that suffer the same fate the light that led you from your darkness. Shine on! Your life is a shining testimony. Thank you for that. You've lightened my heart today.
I also know of a Hell, yet somehow I find myself constantly battling it from overwhelming me again. In this battle I find that I sometimes forget about those who do need the help out of their own Hell. The tiny dot and the memory of Hell consumes my thoughts.
Good form Kitsune! I applaud your strength in continuing to strive forward. Never stop.. always look for something to keep you walking toward the light.
Amen! No wonder this is your favorite post, "Kitsune" (?!?) It's the best post I've read so far.
Each person has their own hell that they have to deal with. Some receive help from others who had surpassed their own hell, some still wander through the wide, thick blackness of the hell they're in, hopin' somebody would reach out and help them. I've had hells of my own as well, just like other people..but a different hell from what they have/had. I'm glad that in one of those hell(s) I've had, you were there to help me get out... :) Continue to shine the light you've received...
Judge, I dont know if you intended to call to you more of those still in their personal hells, but you irrevocably called me. I couldnt silently observe the blog. You found your saving light, Christ. My question then is, What if the cost of that saving light is too much?
My personal burden I keep secret. I've been silently suffering since before any of my current friends know me, and none of them even suspect what you called "a hell that one carries every where they go". My faith has been better, and it has been worse. But I've never been able to fully give in to faith. The cost would strip me of some of my most precious self. Slowly I have been able to control my hell, shackle it piece by piece. But its shadow remains and it sometimes is more than I can handle. Does the light of Christ really remove it entirely? Doesnt it still haunt you at times of weakness?
A parable for thoughtful
A thoughtful man had a cancer that caused him great pain and slowly ate away at him from the inside. He thought no one knew about it the cancer was so virulent that it affected the way he acted.
One day his friend Kitsume the Judge told him of a great physician who could remove the cancer and cure his pain.
But thoughtful was afraid.
"What if after the cancer is gone there is nothing left?" he pondered. "What or who will I be when the cancer is gone? Will I live? Can I still run? Will my eyes still see?"
"I don't know." replied Kitsune, "I am only a the Judge. I am not the Physician. Only he knows th true extent of your cancer and how removing it will change you. You must go to him for your answers."
"You will be changed." continued Kitsune, "We all change. We are not today what we were yesterday. Sometimes pride or fear make us try to hold on to the now. We try to keep what we are static and resist becoming what we will be."
"The choice is yours, but know this you can't stop time. Live or die you will change. If you don't choose for yourself the choice will be made for you."
The End
The Grace of God is free and yet it can only be purchased at gving up ourselves and becoming renewed in Christ.
I doesn't matter if you are Christian, Hindu, Buddist Muslim or Jew. No good religion wants you as you are. Every single one asks that you put off the natural person and become a new creature.
Accept that you are going to change and choose to change for the better.
Or not...
I am RK the Enemy
Alot has been said by many peoeple in a short amount of time. Yes, my hell has been removed. Yes, it still hunts me at times. It always threatnes to come raging back in times of weakness. One maybe never able to escape it. I would not want to however. It is a driving force still to me. To take a rest means that I stop moving forward. Right now I am running with everything I can to stay ahead of it. Making leaps and bounds to gain ground. I remeber the first day after I knew I had escaped my hell. I felt so sad. I had spent so long fighting my hell hound that once it was dead I thought I should be also. It had been such a huge part of me for so long. What was I without it. I had left my family and friends. I had filled my free time in trying to kill the beast. That when it was finaly dead. I looked arond at my life and saw only ruin. I was to put down my sword only to pick up a shovel and berry the things of my past. It was hard at first cause I thought it was going to be nothing but sun shine and happiness. Then reality kicked in and I got to see for the first time all the damage my actions had caused. Now the beast is long dead and flowers are coming up where his body use to lay. It is hard, but it is worth it.
so true.
When I read this post (yes, I read...OKAY?!)...especially when I read the later part of your post that said "I now hear the cries of others..in different hells..I know their pain, but I know relief and they do not...I have to try to find them..." I was immediately reminded of the conversion story of Alma the younger in the Book of Mormon.
[Alma 36]
Alma had experienced a most bitter hell for three full days and three full nights but when he finally remembered Jesus Christ, he called upon the Savior and immediately experienced joy as exceeding as his pain...After Alma had been born of God, after he had embraced Christ's light, he spent the rest of his life preaching the gospel and doing missionary work. As Alma said, the very thought of others having to go through the same hell or worse was unbearable and he dedicated the rest of his life seeking these souls out and sharing the light with them...
Thank you for reminding me of the importance of missionary work...and most importantly, how much the atonement means to me...and to you.
~lost & found~
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