3am, eggs, beans, and no spell check

It's not so much that I am having toruble sleeping, well no more then I do most of the time, but I can simply lye there and try to sleep. My demons seem to speaking more often now, and I can hear them clealy at night. So I decied to go for frag. Let my mind wonder in a fenced off. Some might say that I am holding myself back, but really the skys the limit.

Some thing has been bothering me latly and my words never seem to express my thoughts the why I need them to. It has to do with smith and his tale in the dinner. A few people have seemed to be upset that smith let the other man go. They ask me why I let the man go. Well honestly I did not let him go, smith did. I am just another view like the rest of you. You ask me why smith let him go, why don't you ask him? It is just as easy for you to do so as it is for me. Plus smith was no law man, he had no obligation to preform what people seem to think as justic aginst him. Can mercy rob justic, no. But justic can't rob mercy either I hope. Let god be the judge and the person to carry out the sentace. We have all done things that we wish more then anything to take back, to have forgiveness for the unforgiveable. Some of the worst things have been done in moments of weakness. For those that have felt such I see it easy to give others what they so desire themselves.

How does one keep in contact with people? I find it so hard, mostly cause I hate the phone. The phone I belive is greatly misused. I want to call people to get together and that is it. To get facts stright or get info and teach, but keeping in touch with such a device is beyound me. I always have planes to call people but freaz when I start to dail. Those rings are like spikes in my chest. I want a mechiean to pick up or something. Cause if it's a human they always seem to want a reason for the call and just to say hi is never very good. Well it never was for me. I never have anything to say no topics come to mind. It's like a pop quiz on my recent life and it's always alittle sad to find out I wasn't paying attion.

I was watching a preview to a movie; a movie which happend to be based on a book, a very famous book. This book has opened doors in people minds. Let them into worlds they didn't know about till them. The author of this book is a true writer. To create a telling of events in that world so that so many others can find their way there is what makes a true writer. When I write stories about smith or stave, Marut and Isac the stories come across as only that stories. They are not mappes to the places where I have witnesed these stories. I insprie to become one of these auothers who can not create worlds, but build doors to them. Why? not for what you might think. To prove to myself that I am not crazy, if others speak about these people that seem to only be in my head then They are not only in my head and I am not then crazy...right?

P.S. gundum seed is great.