Sunday, November 07, 2004

Dance with dread

I have a friend named Rachel. She is called "Dance with Jed" in my phone. She has nothing really to do with this post. Other then she was at culture night and was glad to she her there. I call it dance with dread cause I refer to my social interaction's with people like dances. I performed at culture night (which to those who don't know it a bunch of clubs performing) I was in Latino and swing. Both went ok and am happy with both. The girls I danced with in both clubs got nerves and would not let me lead. I was almost holding them back. Girls are very strong and scary when they are nervous. I was not scared at all by the hundreds of people watching ( weird I know), but was though off by how much it effected my partners. I knew the dance and knew that they did also. Yet, when it came down to it they just wanted to run thought it and get off the stage. Then there was the praise form everyone that I didn't know. It was good but I wanted at least one person to say hey why did you speed thought it. When things don't go the way I planed I want people to tell me so, but people seem to be nicer then me.

Go people.

I also felt really bad cause in the start of swing I almost killed Steve. I tried a chest bump and took out his jaw. But the show must go on and I don't think anyone saw it. After I was going to watch a movie with my swing partner but she left with another guy. I already new she was a little flaky so no pain came from it. I then just went and talked to other people I knew. I ended up walking some girls home in the rain so they would be safe. When we got there I was soaked and the offered to dry my clothes as I waited for the rain to stop. Well I gave up my clothes before I got a good look at the robe they offered me. It was silk short and had a big green dragon on the back. I wanted to scream for my cloths back. I felt like I was in some rom com. They gave me a studded belt to hold it shut and that was that. We sat and talked about things while drinking hot chocolate. I found that I have trouble with people when I know they have lose lips. I hold be self to high standards and I try not to do so for others. I believe that those standards are simple. However when they started talking about how they liked this guy cause he was cute, but a huge jerk. Then they said that they would still date him cause he was so good looking. I wanted to just leave. I was stuck there sitting in my silk green straight jacket. I held me tongue on how they sickened me so much that that moment. I can not fully explain the conversation that lead to this feeling. Just know that the summary of it was that if your physically attractive you can be a jerk. They then turned to me and asked what I liked in girls. From there tone and the way the conversation turned they where talking about physical appearance. I was still to emotion to think clearly trying not to hold anything against these people (which I did not after I had some time to think.) I simply said that to be attracted to some one I must be in acted to their Brian. My brother said he knew he was in love with April when he was acted to her mind. I really agree, I have met allot of people and dated my share. I have yet to really find someone that I think that their Brian is attractive. Well after I got my clothes back I got out of there was quick as I could without being rude. A quick note if you have to flee like Joseph leaving you coat in the hands of another. Try not to forget your keys. Came insisted that I get a ride home and Found one that was going my way. I got all the way home when I realized I had forgot my keys and wallet and everything else but clothes. I had to walked back and get them then continue on home. She ,like most of BYUH students, was worried about the Laieboys. I said that I would not be afraid in the place I call home. Reading the servant on the Mont along with Gandhi has helped me in many ways. One is that death is not as bad as people would have you believe. And the other is that it's easy to die for something, but hard to live for something. I know that people are going to say that I should not tempt God. And I am not doing this thing. By refusing to be scared of the Laieboys. I am say that what they doing is wrong and I will and be effected by it. Passive aggressive not giving into wrong doing. I know that this sounds weird or self righteous to some but it rings nothing but truth to me.


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