My Lai

Warning:

Some of the thoughts in this may be taken as depresing and sad. They are but I am fine and you should be also. Read at your own risk and if you fill down Just let me know and I will fix it.

I have just finished reading about the horrible things that happened in My Lai doing the Vietnam war. It hurts my soul and brings me to tears. As I was reading I thought if I could fall so far from the way I see things now to how those men acted. I was hesitant at first to think that I could drop so far, yet I then read a a count of a member of Charily company that was also a Mormon. He took part in the massacrer. I still feel a slave to my emotions. When feelings change so quickly that I can hardly think straight. I would like to believe that I am above such things. I am afraid that I can not say that. I now not the things that happened to break these men. How their ears became deft to such things. All I know is that they reacted to their emotions like I do. Until I can tame my thoughts and passions, Every urge and idea, I will not be above those things. I have to push my self each day to do these things. As children we live in a wonderland, but we grow up. And our hearts break in two. These was a large scale thing. Like cancer on humanity. Many things had to break down. Many things had to go wrong. Their are some things daily that I still do not do that hurt people little by little. If I was there and had the moral courage to with stand the massacre. Could I have helped others? Could I have saved even one life? In Matthew it talks about how the seeker of knowledge is the seeker of sorrow. I believe this more and more with each thing I learn. I have not the perfect knowledge of all things like god. In Alma's travels with Amulek he sees women and children throw into a fire and burned. Amulek wants to save them using the power if god, yet Alma stops him. Telling him that the lord welcomes his children back into his fold. Until we can become one with gods plan, Until we can strive to do the lords will, knowledge will bring noting of worth. What happens to a persons body is of little effect. What happens to a persons soul is eternal. I have trouble with this. I seek to be a better person. Not for me, not for me... I need to be better to help others. I am so weak and cause so much of my own pain in this world. How can I hope to fix that of others if I cause so much of my own. The only answers is to become stronger, better, smarter. I strive for perfection so that my friends will not be hurt. I strive for perfection so that people can stop hurting each other. Ghandi was a great man. He had such moral strength. I read his words and see how to him there was only one option at the time to do good. By his example and influence he help so many. I went to a choir concert last night. One of the songs was from the man of Lamoncha. It's a play about don Quinta. It was called the impossible dream. It was all about how this man dreams the impossible dream. He strives for the things that can not be obtained, and yet he knows this. He still does it cause he can do nothing else. It is his dream. I have an impossible dream. I have a desire in my heart. To help end suffering for other and not add to it my self. I had a friend recently ask me why I feel this way. Why I try to help others. I could not answerer her. My only thoughts was that god made me this way. Her answer was that nobody else is like that. I could only think of my brother is also like me. I still however do not have a good answer for her. Which I am truly sorry for. All I can say is that I don't know how feel any other way. Why don't people want to help each other all the time? Why don't people stop hurting one another? All I can say is "Why don't they?"