Tuesday, May 15, 2007

deeper then we must

Nothing more pathetic then for a man once strong trying to make his life seem right. For a man once strong sought to mix heart and brain. To mix the modern ambrosia. He dove deep and saw much, yet what he sought was always just out of view. He reached the end of his rope and did what one felt he must. The weak suck deeper and ran out of heart. Now trapped in a deep windowless room he tried to find up. His rope had been cut but there where still many other stings he could follow home, to many. His holy grail of logic said they where all the same, there was no up, no down, left was right and right was left. To be anywhere else would be just different as it would to be no place. Tied now to that place by his winding path he became lost in his calculations to see the surface not to be seen.

Friday, May 11, 2007

A dive to far

I've never really given up on my childish thoughts. I've given in to them being childish and even admitted that they are best tossed aside, but they cling to me to tightly, like a sticker that move from one finger to the next. Like the tree the growns around the feance it was plated next to so have I with my thoughts. It's funny how you just breakdown waiting on some sign. I've done manythings just to please those around me. I have broken my back just so I don't have to wipe tears. I have taken the wrong road many a time cause I thought it was right or I told myself it's easier then confatation. @ the young age of 23 I am like an old man set in my ways. I have not once however confessed to believe somethig that I do not, Not to say that I haven't lied for I have and still do more then I am willing to admit, yet I have not confessed to hold to something I did not know was there. I do not cling to my belifes I support them and they me. I hold no untold truths or great answers, but simple questions and unanswers thoughts.

Some times you want a new perspective so you try to change your windows view. This time it lead to nothing but more trouble. The unkissed girl as I call her. I placed my self knowly into a situation I could not win, very britsh like of me. Maybe it was the challenge, maybe it was the desire to sucome, maybe just to not be alone for the lonly tend to seek out the lonly. I found a bit of my old self. I missed him but wished we had meet under different sercumstates. Like old friends at a ferual we wished we could meet in happier times. Now w/ a 6hr drive to double guess myself I cusse the lack of a radio for distracktion. Here I am feeling bad forher, for having driving so far and not meeting what I thought her expectaction might have been. The drive well be good and she will be fine.