Monday, October 31, 2005

The world is New, fresh and blue

OK randomness is king so hold on.

I have never really like the idea of two girls kissing. I have how ever found something weird that I find entertaining. What is it you ask? well when two girls are in a rock band and they are playing back to back. I think it might have to do with the idea of a fight where two heroes are forced to fight back to back. coupled with the fact that Rock N' Roll rocks my soul. Add that all together with a girl or two, good as gone baby, good as gone.

However later found that the more girls you add doesn't make things better. When just one of these girls was play all jimmy Hendricks like I was more in love with her then at any other time. This also created a whole new problem, cause I was not attracted to her physically, and I say the way she acted when she was not rocking out and didn't really connected emotionally. Here was a girl that I was in love with only as long as she was playing her guitar. I had humors conversation with a friend about it later about how I might make it work.

While going from place to place this weekend end I saw many things I never thought I would. to many to name, for I lose one each moment that passes. I saw allot of lookers this weekend, but only connected with two. One was sonically thought the pulsations of her music, the other was verbally thought the sounds of her words. While lovely to boot and really quite a hoot, things will never be. Meeting her gave sorrow to my heart, for we met only to part. Thoughts upon thoughts whirled in my head. One standing out above the rest. This girl may not be a member and you will never meet again, cause someone failed her, just as you have fail others. How sad it truly is, but she seems happy and so am I.

Candy dance

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Cry me a river and I'll just dam it up.

I was hoping the the cutting of my locks would lead to less woman troubles. However it seems that while the ladies liked the curles they find the buzzed cut more interesting. I think it may have something to do with all girls wanted curly head kids running aorund or some crap like that. While I get more looks now I can still tell them to bugger off with out to much diffaculty. One of the quickes ways to make a girl hate you, just in cause you where wondering, is to tell her to stop crying. Now tone is the real key, you have to really sound like she is dumb for ever letting water come for her eyes, no matter how dumb she really is she still wont like it. The thing is that women are also blessed to see the good in almost everybody. Which I think getts them into more trouble then they know. So no matter how one fills his mouth with different apenages they don't let him sleep. What a mocking irony.

Kill the inner self and fight naturl. Got two days till the end.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Fish toacos

An event happened upon me today. one that went ok, but it still was odd and I didn't like my thoughts about it. I was filling up Lacus (My car), when this guy came out of no where and asked if I like speakers. What a weird question but yes I like speakers but I had no respons for him (Other then a dumb look). He went on to show me these really nice speakers that he said he was delivering, but they gave him two extra. He started tlaking about how nice they where and how expense they where. The box said the speakers where around 2g's. I could tell from the get go that this guy was up to something. He then asked how much I could get together on such a short notice. I told him I had class, but I had 20 bucks in the car. I knew he was not going to take it. Honesty I wanted him to take his speakers and just leave. He kept talking however, I did want the speakers but I wasn't about to buy some thing out of the back of someones car at a gas station. The thought that bothers me is that if he would have given them to me for free, I would have taken them. Knowing that they where stolen I still wanted them. The monkey mind is going to get me into trouble. I am also sick of people commenting on me. What they think of my thoughts and advice they have. Honesty I want to hear you experiances. I know what I need to do and what people will say about my thoughts. What I don't know is what your thoughts are about things in your life. so get to telling me or get to getting.

I wish I could snap and slay those little ones.

Just saw another add for starwars on DVD. The thing that really makes me sad is I know not only are people going to buy it, but some of those people are going to watch it. People that have already seen it are going to go out and pay more money to have their souls sucked out by a crappy movie. It's the kind of thing that makes one want to get violent.

I have also come to notice something. I think the media trys to create loners. I have noticed it allot lately. They make the loner look glorious, the man that ask for no help and needs one. If one asks for help he is weak and should fall victium to darwin. When really those who know how, and when to ask for help are much stronger. The world wants to break you off from the group, take you down a dark ally and beat you up. I think I wont let it. It will be hard cause I've been trying to be that loner for the beater part of my life now. When in reality hermit never fit me, only made me weak for temptation for when I enter the world agian. Holding back ones self weakness your self and socity. Lies break down the fiber of civlzation, but then agian who cares right.

I figured out how to make a water clock today and just need to get the stuff together. I also need to work out how to recycle the water. An electice pump would be best, but hardly fitting. If I was going to use energy the why not use a normal clock. I also got the figures down for 24hrs, but resting the clock creates a problem... but this is not the place.

Friday, October 21, 2005

Recap, the fist

I rush to far of places and look for farmilar faces. I find them but they don't belong to the people I use to know. The world is changing and so am I. I simply hope our directions differ. I was once told that not everything should be torn down to make it anew. Somethings can't be rebuilt. Others however must be torn down even if they can't be rebuilt. The fondation has gave way and it is only troublesome. So has parts of this life been. Turn a corner and meet yourself.

I was also told the only way to find out if a man is honest is to ask him. If he says yes, then he must be lieing. I hold to this.

Well quickly, sense people that read this have no conntact with me other wise, I will give some evets. I have gotten new books which I am wanting to read more then ever. I am also getting my friends out of ther dens. I can't think of anything that I can write in the few momets I have here. Well if there is somethign you really want to know ask. Oh and got a another pome in a book, best poets of 2005. I don't really think that this book is on the up and up however. Well

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Thoughts of a lost firend.

Some things have to be writen, but those things don't, and sometimes should not be understood. These thoughts of mine are nothing really more then that, thoughts. I don't want them to convice anyone of anything. The most they should do is spark a desire to know, or to understand. The least is give some peace to my soul.

Death, and fear I can think of no two things so closely tied together. People are filled with such fear. Fear of not finding the right person, fear of getting less then they could, fear of the unknow, fear of what people think of them, fear of their own short comings. Fear I think is the greatest motavatior in history, I think it has influanced people to do more things than anything else. People fear death so much that they would do such horrific things to prolong their existance. To see that last sunset, to feel that last kiss. Well honesty I find it not worth it. How many sunsets did you miss? How many kisses did you toss away in that passion of the moment? I don't cry for you. You miss someone you love, so what. I am sure you living in saddness makes them feel better in the here after. You sit there dumbfounder in your fear and saddness as the world crashes down around you. People are dying around you. They are starving to death, kids are born knowing no love and no hope. Will you give it to them?

It is writen no greater love have a man then to lye down his life for his friends. This means so much more then dying. To give up ones life is to give up ones own personal desires, to give up your happiness for the sake of another. People are selfish childeren, People get angery at others who have past on before. Leaving those people to carry on alone. From dust to dust, so must go all the earth. As once said if you fear death it jumps out at you all the quicker. If you think this is a negitive out look then you have understood little said, and so it go.

Kick the man

Fight the man, break the system.
People go from day to day setting into there rutings. milling about digging their holes. We are humans, creatures of rutine. One can not get anywhere with out trial and error, Work and effrot. Some times rutines turne into chains of habbit and pits of imprisonment. My sujestion is to break the mold every now and then. Skip a class and hit the town, go buy something you want but was holding back on, punch that jerk that has been getting on your nerves. Anyways, get off the path and then tell others about it. I tell you mine tomorrow.

Look and be saved or don't and live in idealness

Mr. Nord stood in line wait like everybody else. Clutching his movies and candy as if he was on a liferaft and one of the other survivors where going to steal his rations for him. Nords eyes darted around nervously, studying peoples faces. They all seem normal, no hint of suppostion or wonder in any of them. Nord rubbed one eye and then the other with his closed fist that was wrapped around a long licorice vine. The was something ahead of him in the line that was bothering Nord. He leaned into peoples conversations trying to hear anything that might help his madness. No one was taking about it however, such a odd thing and no one was speaking of it. The peoples conversations where over movies they had seen or what had happened that day. Not a word was spoken about the giant penguin leafing thought the music magazines. He was wearing a sombrero for heavens sake, how could anyone miss him. Nord new what was going on, he was going crazy. Nord was losing his mind and still all he could do was stand in line staring at that fat bird read media propaganda. If someone else could just see him then it would mean he was normal, but to point it out to someone else and have them not see it would prove that he was crazy. Something so simple and yet so hard. Either the penguin lived or he didn't there was in in between. Why did this have to happen to Nord now, or ever. Nord just want to go home watch some movies and eat ju-ju-bees. These bird had come out of no where and decide to hunt him. The lady in front of Nord had looked back at him. Had he said something? Did he bump her? Why was she looking at him? She knew some how. She knew he was going crazy and soon every one else would also. Nord decide to go crazy, those people always seemed happy laughing all the time and placed in rooms that look so comfortable.
"ah, Miss. Do you see a Giant Bird over there reading a Teen vogue?"

Saturday, October 15, 2005

thoughts before the dawn

I don't have much time. For the end my becoming soon. I have been listeing to music and looking at photos. The times I had in hawaii are more then one man could wish for. As I was there it was a pleasent bless. I did not know how great it was till right now. To say I would not take anything back would be a lie. Cause I did allot of things there I am not proud of, made allot of mistakes, but I would take them back with cation. Cause I learned and grew, and changing those things might change the person I am now. This man is not perfect, but I am happy with him for now. If I died tomorrow (in some cool way of course) I would not fret to much. Sure I would leave beind something that need to be done. But glad none the less with what I have done so far in this life. To all my friends, we will meet agian hopelfully sooner then later, but in time all things shall be.

Monday, October 10, 2005

I find the fight with in greater then the fight without.

I have finished a book today. It is always a feeling of both joy and saddness. Joy for the sense of completeing something. Saddness cause I learned so much from it and wish there was just a little more. I agree with almost every word of the book I finished, if there is anything not in order with my belifes then it was only cause I have misread something. I have changed from the content of it's pages, but changeing ones enviroment is only to do done after one changes thy self internally. I find that the battle aginset ones self, ones emotions, lusts, and passions. Is more difficult then any physical battle could be. it becomes so difficult at times, the world seems to make sense only so far as the outside of ones skull. You know what you want but you can't seem to keep that conviction when you need to. But sticking to ones guns, one can win little battle after battle. Some times the war turns south and some of your emotions and convictions buy the far. The war is not lost however, we have to keep up the fight and little by little we win and better ourselves. It's a steap uphill battle, but it's won we can win with time.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Don't tell anyone anything.

I thought what I'd do was become one of those deaf dumb mutes.

Monday, October 03, 2005

Night Fighting

whim-some hues of scarlet light
breeding madness in the night
fearful fighting for the light
for evil has the greater bite
what's gold today, is dust tomorrow.
much inside, no room for sorrow
so things fade from black to white
release the ropes
embrace the light