Monday, November 29, 2004

Thoughts From Yesterday

As I sit here watching those little dancers; I think that I am wasting my time. Others walk around saying the same thing but with one difference, that they don't care. I put my head down on the table and look at the dancers once again as they flow in and out of the reality of my glass. "Why is there no music?" I yell ... No one pays heed. What are these dancers dancing to? Where is their music coming from and why can I not hear it. I kick my chair over as I stand up looking around for answerers, yet I find nothing once again. My chair is gone I know not where it went (maybe someone took it). I lay down on the table my vision falling upon the source of light for the room. This light seems to fallow the tune of the dancers. Why can it hear the music yet I cannot. I take another drink and decide to ask the light what it knows. I raise up heavily ,wishing I wasn't so weary, and ask the light to share with me it's knowledge. I place my ear next to the lamp hoping to hear it better. The conversation is short and turns up no new information only a burning sensation. I don't wish to lie back on the table. For that would only show me the lamp. I have no chair, and resting upon one would only face me to the mockery of the dancers. I step of the table and hear for the door. I am taking my drink with me. I fear it will be a long trip home cause I cannot find the door.

Thursday, November 18, 2004

Another source for protine

Ok since my own blog has been slowing down a bit I gave an alternate source of whole some fun. While whole some I guess depends on the subject. Yet, it still is a part of my life and you wouldn't be reading this if you had no thoughts about me so enjoi.

My soul is making a clucking sound

Got some time, got some thoughts, got to blog.

Well I was talking with my father figured this great Sunday. Among many different things like flaming penguins one subject came up, one being The Truck. He talked about some different t things he had fix and mess with on it. I had been feeling something for awhile that I could not put my figure on for some time. I just then realized that I had yet to fix something in 3 moths. What is worst is that this place tempts me so. I see so many cars in disrepair or abandoned. I just wish I had my tools. I have never thought of my self as a grease monkey. I thought it was something that I was just good at and that I didn't mind doing, but now that I have gone so long with out it. I also here stories from girls that this is broken and that this thing doesn't work. I keep thinking yea I could fix that (or I couldn't break it anymore). I am however with out my tools and with out the ability to go to the place where most of this broken items reside. I could just pretend to be maintenance. Get some pants that don't really fit and had real low when I bend over. IN fact I think I have some of those. Will let me just say that you got something need fixing let me know.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Long Awaited Deep Post

Ok first the dive info

Dive 1: Mahi Ship
Max Depth 87 feet for 27 minutes
Surface Interval 1 hour 11 minutes

Dive 2: Airplane Canyon
Max Depth 95 feet for 30 minutes

Now if you want to see some of the pics
Then Click Here

Well I have not been on this for awhile cause my free internet has gone. I lost it in one of those weird twists of fate. The lord giveth and he taketh away. So since I do most of my thinking at about 2 am in the last procrastinate of the homework. I have been few a far between here.

The dive was great. It was also very painful at some points and gross at others. I had trouble equalizing on the second dive. And caused something in my head to burst. I also got sea sick during the rest period in between dives. All of this is in a post that I wrote that is still on my laptop but not with me.

Thursday, November 11, 2004

Humble Pie

There is all this talk about the fall ball. I being the typical guy am usually not bothered with this kind of stuff. Let alone don't let on that anything bothers. I try to keep this thing clear of weird high school romance and school girl feelings, yet most of my friends here are women and being the emotional putty that I am. I take on the same feelings as those around me (sometimes, when I decide to have emotions) My stress is not so much in getting asked cause I am the one in doing the asking. The issue lies in who. I know this is a crappy problem but it is a real one let me explain. The guys here for the most part are cowards. I don't blame them for there are many pretty girls here and it's easy to lose ones nerve. This how ever leaves allot of women that feel unloved and unattractive. I want to help many of them, but in this cause I can really ask but one. How can I decide who best needs a night out. I have tried to just go with feelings by asking girls who I got the urge to when talking to them. I am now 3-0. I had a roommate awhile back that said I was a post-masochism. I agree totally for when they turned me down after a little while I felt glad that I have another chance. I don't know where I am going with this and I got to go to the bathroom.

Tuesday, November 09, 2004

The smell of something better.

I must first start by saying that I am sorry for my last post it was long and incoherent. A textual rambling. I hate reading others and I go and make one myself. Well on to more joyous things. I have little to no sense of smell. I don't ever remember having a great one, but working at the poo house killed what little I had. Have no sense of smell causes weird things to happen in ones life. Like thinking that you can go 2 weeks with out doing laundry. You learn to love people that are honest. I am gladly happy when someone tells me I smell. Not for the reason that I smell (cause that really sucks, how long have I been smelly) but cause I know to fix it. People can't fix for the things they don't know they have. Now back around to head to the point I am trying to make. People lately have been telling me that I smell good, which is nice and weird at the same time. I smell nothing diff, yet others seem to be picking something up. What's the biggest down fall to all of this. Well, the sent of a woman. Girls dress themselves in perfumes and are clad with unearthly fragrances. I miss out on this simply pleasure. Their is something calming and reassuring about it. Every now and then I get a whiff of these sweet things. I had a real eye opener today. I was worried about this and that. Then this girl walked by and I almost fell into a coma. I turned to follow her for bit just enjoying it while it lasted. After a little while the logic of the stoker tendencies regained control and I continued on my way. So what am I saying, I like girls that smell good.

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Dance with dread

I have a friend named Rachel. She is called "Dance with Jed" in my phone. She has nothing really to do with this post. Other then she was at culture night and was glad to she her there. I call it dance with dread cause I refer to my social interaction's with people like dances. I performed at culture night (which to those who don't know it a bunch of clubs performing) I was in Latino and swing. Both went ok and am happy with both. The girls I danced with in both clubs got nerves and would not let me lead. I was almost holding them back. Girls are very strong and scary when they are nervous. I was not scared at all by the hundreds of people watching ( weird I know), but was though off by how much it effected my partners. I knew the dance and knew that they did also. Yet, when it came down to it they just wanted to run thought it and get off the stage. Then there was the praise form everyone that I didn't know. It was good but I wanted at least one person to say hey why did you speed thought it. When things don't go the way I planed I want people to tell me so, but people seem to be nicer then me.

Go people.

I also felt really bad cause in the start of swing I almost killed Steve. I tried a chest bump and took out his jaw. But the show must go on and I don't think anyone saw it. After I was going to watch a movie with my swing partner but she left with another guy. I already new she was a little flaky so no pain came from it. I then just went and talked to other people I knew. I ended up walking some girls home in the rain so they would be safe. When we got there I was soaked and the offered to dry my clothes as I waited for the rain to stop. Well I gave up my clothes before I got a good look at the robe they offered me. It was silk short and had a big green dragon on the back. I wanted to scream for my cloths back. I felt like I was in some rom com. They gave me a studded belt to hold it shut and that was that. We sat and talked about things while drinking hot chocolate. I found that I have trouble with people when I know they have lose lips. I hold be self to high standards and I try not to do so for others. I believe that those standards are simple. However when they started talking about how they liked this guy cause he was cute, but a huge jerk. Then they said that they would still date him cause he was so good looking. I wanted to just leave. I was stuck there sitting in my silk green straight jacket. I held me tongue on how they sickened me so much that that moment. I can not fully explain the conversation that lead to this feeling. Just know that the summary of it was that if your physically attractive you can be a jerk. They then turned to me and asked what I liked in girls. From there tone and the way the conversation turned they where talking about physical appearance. I was still to emotion to think clearly trying not to hold anything against these people (which I did not after I had some time to think.) I simply said that to be attracted to some one I must be in acted to their Brian. My brother said he knew he was in love with April when he was acted to her mind. I really agree, I have met allot of people and dated my share. I have yet to really find someone that I think that their Brian is attractive. Well after I got my clothes back I got out of there was quick as I could without being rude. A quick note if you have to flee like Joseph leaving you coat in the hands of another. Try not to forget your keys. Came insisted that I get a ride home and Found one that was going my way. I got all the way home when I realized I had forgot my keys and wallet and everything else but clothes. I had to walked back and get them then continue on home. She ,like most of BYUH students, was worried about the Laieboys. I said that I would not be afraid in the place I call home. Reading the servant on the Mont along with Gandhi has helped me in many ways. One is that death is not as bad as people would have you believe. And the other is that it's easy to die for something, but hard to live for something. I know that people are going to say that I should not tempt God. And I am not doing this thing. By refusing to be scared of the Laieboys. I am say that what they doing is wrong and I will and be effected by it. Passive aggressive not giving into wrong doing. I know that this sounds weird or self righteous to some but it rings nothing but truth to me.
coolest flower ever

Thursday, November 04, 2004

blank blank

Haven't written in awhile so why not write about me and my views on things. Cause I am sure everyone really wants to hear them (and by hear I mean read, cause it is text, unless someone is reading it too you, but for the seac of space that is not happening.)

My brad of humor is very weird compared to most people I believe. It has be called dry, mean, stuip, and awkward. Well to me it is funny. The many thing you have to know in trying to understand my humor. Is that I tell all my jokes from a third party point of view. Think of it like a movie. Where I am the star of the Judge show and I have allot of co-stars. The jokes for the most part are for the visions audience at home not the people in the movie. I don't think I change from day to day, but I have been wrong before.

I was told today and yesterday, but allot today. That I was acting weird. None of my jokes where going over well. I was just thinking "I am trying what are you doing bur standing there staring at me"

love starts off as simply two peoples desire to be understood by someone else. To want and be wanted. To simply grasp part of the formalism idea that is love. People don't wish to be hurt so games come about as inaudible try to find one another in this vast world with out exposing them selfish to much to it's harshness. There are many that simply wish to have that fasod of being needed. They feel that the more people they are with the more they can feel that emotion. Along the way they are hurt and hurt others. As it happens a little bit of them dies with each encounter. They try to fill the void with many things and people caring less and less for those things around them that cause pain. And striving only to get what they can from those things before they hurt him.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Somethings just want to make you punch girls in the face.

Let me try to put that line in context now. I have a friend (it's funny how quickly people join together in turmoil) how had her laptop taken out of her room. I knew very little of the facts and didn't want to press for info cause of her situation. I know this much that it most likely had to be a girl. Because of where she lives. Somethings just want to make you punch girls in the face. She has a few ideas on who it could be. The likely hood of her getting it back is slim to none. She is a girl from Taiwan and is hard up for money already. She says that she will most likely not be able to go home for Christmas now cause she will have to replace the computer. Why do people have to do such things? I am not a clean slat myself. I have taken little things as a child. I am not say it was ok, but that I am truly sorry for it. Also I was much stupid then. These people are in BYU Hawaii. Why is there need to poison this paradise. I am truly grateful today that I have so many nerds as friends. I am asking you to spread the word. To to look for this laptop. It is a blue HP. If you see anyone with one just make friendly conversation and ask them where they got it. I know you can all pull it off where into that kind of stuff. Just get their names and hand them to me. I know that this is a big place and the likely hood of us being able to find it is one in a million, but what do we got to loss. We may not be able to succeed but as a poet once said "I'd rather die on my feet then life on my knees" We have to try, think of it like this I rather kill my social life and make a fool of myself to people I don't know. Then to think of this girl having go thought this, and me doing nothing. What kind of a wreach would I be then. I don't take this crap lightly. Especially when it to happen on a campus like this. Lets make a miracle happen for this girl. Please, please I am going to need all of your guys help. Thanks

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Secret song

I think I am going to start to judging every thing as it is happening. One of my previously judgments almost made me miss out on my latest greatest discovery. Now I still hold to the judgment that I made before but have now only applied it to the previously situation. I write these next lines picturing the stones in peoples hand and the sound of projectiles rings in my ears. Lost Without each other by Hanson is a great song. Now I don't like any of the other songs that I have hear by them, yet this one seemed to play my heart strings just right. I am glad I let it play instead of moving on when it came up. It makes me wonder how somethings and make such changes.

Monday, November 01, 2004


Ok so Halloween is still the best holiday.

What happened....
Headed down to Honolulu right around 9pm. Got there around 11pm. Meet two girls on the ride down Briget and Aliss. Briget is a flirt and Aliss is hot. Started to walk up and down the strip as they tried to find their friends. I was mostly into see what people where wearing. Which for the people who had last min custom ideas very little. Japanese people really go all out. As we where walking I saw many anime people I knew. I had to repress the feeling of running up screening I know who you are. There where also some stormtroopers and jango fet. Some cool robots and power rangers. If I had a nickel for every bunny and nurse I could have bought this little island. The weird thing is that most guys default costume was just to take off their shirt. The best part of the night is when I was working my way thought the crowed and Aliss put her hand on my shoulder so she wouldn't get lost. It went well with my GQ look. Like it was part of my costume to have a hot girl following me. (Which would be nice to be able to just pick one up at the store, chicks Allie five) There women there where very beautiful. I was falling in love every five minutes. There's my wife.. Oh she's leaving. There's the women of my dreams ... Oh lost her. No there is my wife... Oh wait that's a man. Let me say thought that I don't find it hot for girls to walk around being little miss hangy outy. And if your hot you loss a lot of it when you come on to strong. If your so quick to get fresh with me you must be quick to get fresh with a lot of people. So back to the events Briget went with Aliss to find her friends and that was the last we saw of Aliss that night. Briget really ran off to go clubbing and didn't want to bother us. So we went to find a place to sit so the lady folk could rest their feet. Oh and while waiting for Aliss's friend I had to fight off a few creepy old men. Talked with Kamy for awhile about the theory of phone names. Then after about an hour of sitting and talking it was off to find briget. We found her in a country bar. It was interesting to see what one of those smoke filled saloons looks and smells like. After saving briget from a few more guys she didn't care for it was out side to get some fresh air and hang out there till they decided to go. Kamy who was completely anti club was now all about it, and I really was not. I just don't like meat markets where people are hitting on each other left and right. We finally got them both out of there and headed to the car. We had to pick up a girl named faye for a ride home and another guy that none of us knew. So it turned into a clown car ride home. I was in the back seat on the hump, squeezed inbetween two girls with another across me. Most of her weight was put on me cause the girls on my left and right where tiny. So the ride back was not a very fun one. After I was dropped off I wondered what time it was. So I went to check my phone. I didn't have it. I thought it was still in the car so I tried to call them to ask. Where a phone was needed and it took me awhile to find out. It was late and I was tired.

To Be Continued....