Fight The man

The man in this case being me. In many points in ones life we are our own worst enemy. I am angery at people I have little reason to be angery with. I am hurt over a girl I should not have feelings for. I feel played by another that never wanted to play. I want answers to questions I do not want to ask. I want to be above such things and want others to not tread places in my mind I have already told them I wish them not to go. Call me a prude if you will but I don't want to her about overs love life in detail or other wise for the most part. Leave me in my bubble and don't be surprised if I get angery if you pop it. How do I feel today well here it is:
I want to believe in myself once again
So I dream of a man whose hopes never end
To kiss with a girl who's as lovely as you
I'd give you my heart, if you gave me the truth
And for every tear that is lost from an eye
I'd dig me a well where no man could destroy
I want to believe in a freedom that's bold
But all I remember is the freedom of old
This mess in my head is a mess getting out
But after a while, when my mouth's not so dry
I'll dance up a storm, sure life's looking fine
But as darkness falls, I return to my bed
Don't ask me more questions, don't mess with my head
I've been down in this world, down and almost broken
The buildings they shake but my heart it beats still
So next time you see me, don't ask for my name
For I am the King and sure long may I reign
I've been down in this world, down and almost broken

It does really rhym and makes little sense I am sure but it's the same with these feelings.

A girl unnamed

what can be done for I fear that this battle I am fighting can not be won. I have fallen in like with a girl that I do not think I can, or should fall in like with. She is out of my reach in one way or another. Idon't think this will make any sense for it is mis thoughts given to misunderstanding made into text for with ill construled thoughts to place them on your screen. My mind is distrest however, for I am jumping at showdows. I might simply be putting off my feelings for other things bothering me and setting them all on the mismeasure of women in my life. Then what can be done right? This girl however is someone speical to me, I want to fall for her madly and her for me. I do not want to to lose her as a firend however. Is she just another muse, or is she something more. I reach for other women around me but they seem to pale in my mind when ever I think of her. In all honestly I am not sure why, for I know little about her. I know that she is strong however and that she is pure of heart and caring. Thier is little I know about her however, like is she smart, is she passate, does she read, does she get lost in deep thought. Her bueaty is leagenady, but looks are nothing. I wil still comment on this nothing however cause they still matter at the start of a relationship. How can I discribe it, I mean suprisingly bueatyful is the best I can put it. I don't mean this like the few times I have heard it before. I mean she bueaty is like the sun if you look stright at her, face to face, it is simply glourues. Words are nothing compared to her face. The mind can not capture such bueaty in it's limited memory ablities. Eveytime you see her it's like the first time, it's like the first and last breath you'll every take and you both wish to never look away and hide for you don't feel ... well worthy. Not that your a sinner or such but that God poured his mighties craftmenship into her magnifacent faceand you feel almost sorry that you didn't ask his permission or thank him every sec your alive for such a chance. But once agian all of that is nothing if emotionally and adiuoly there is nothing. She becomes nothing more then art in motion and even the best statue can't keep the mind filled and interested. So One must toe pick it up and reach for the gold.

update time, update time

you do not need to fear
when I am near
still be brave
I know you will not cave.
for I am near
there is no need to fear
while I am not needed
nor am I heeded
you do not need to fear
for I am near
you are strong, smart, and wise
you need no help with devils in your lives
I know you will not fear
but still I am always here.

I need to free my mind.
for while your presents is sublime,
the withdraw is just to much.
not to mention I have a hunch,
that I am not the one
that rises and sets your sun.
I am just another boy,
your little play toy.
you use to past the time
for you are never to be mine
I will not morn the day
simply lock these emotions away
I will kiss them good bye
in the hopes that they will die
these words will never find your ears
for this shell holds far to many fears

I have no way with words,
but they are all I have.
Do not take me as hubris,
but I know the man I am.
You will not find a man
more gentle or kind.
You could look the world over
and could not find someone who
could treat you better then I.
This is neither a poem, nor story.
I simply like writing in this format.

What would it take to get a reply,
to get a glint of hope from your eye.
You leave me paralyzed,
you leave me hypnotized,
Words never do,
for a beauty such as you.
What has grown this affinity?
it's what you give me, sweet serenity.bar

If I could chose to be anything,
I'd be the one to herald in the spring,
The flowers, colurs, smells, sights and sound.
Is almost as nice, as when you are around.

Well what can be said, If God loves you like he does me then he'll let you in on KT Tunstall. Watch the video before you steal the song. Belive me it is worth it.

it doesn't matter what I say
you don't care anyway
I could write a million words
but still my voice would go unheard
my words are just no good
for your heart of amber wood
I want to set that heart on fire
with the passion of desire
I'm looking for that magic spark
to light your eyes in this dark
they say "angels with silver wings
shouldn't know suffering"
This statment I will fulfill
for I could hide my feelings in a hill
but still they would seep through
and find their way to you.

Well about a week ago we (we being steve, ed, and I) went to the jhemz to go repling. Well by the end of it all my pants had ripped into two, I feel through the frozen river we where walking on three times, and almost got impaled by a tree that while missing me got stuck into the ice nicly. It was one of the best times there.

To write no more.

I have not been keeping this up to date cause I have limited my internet acess. My brother always said that the TV suxs out your soul. I always agreed with him. I would like to add to that however I feel that any monitor like thing can suck out your soul. I spent coutless hours on the net simply wasting time like so many americans do in front of their tv's. I have still been writing but in a much simplier form. At some point I will find time to transfer them over to a digital format. On the up side I have fallen in love with the girl across from me in the computer lab. She has blue hair, do I need to say more. The thought of aproching her and asking her name is simple something I do not wish to do. Sure fear is a part of it, but I think that shattering my idea picture is a larger part. For at the moment she is everything that I think she is, kind, funny, smart. She will stay that way to me, unless I go up to her and find out if I am right or wrong. Some would say that she might be just who I think she is. That she is everything that a man like me could want and more, well maybe your right. I simply do not wish to date any one right now I think. Then agian there are those who would say that I am playing the hand of a hermit to hide my yellow color. On the other hand there would be some that would say that their isn't even a girl sitting across from me at all.